To Maa, in Heaven

The earth has completed an orbit now...  Calendars have been changed... A lot of time has passed… The day is coming again… And I am still battling within myself, what to do, how to react and why me. My dirty green wallet accompanies me almost everywhere. I open and zip it mercilessly numerous times a day but a pocket inside it remains untouched because of something I hid a year ago. I motivated myself to take a glance at the pocket stuffed with papers and ATM slips and read it out. It is the receipt of your last Mother’s Day present that I have kept preciously but haven’t seen again.

Mothers Day shopping has always been irresistible and super exciting for me. From the moment I think of your present to my way to mall, to making the final choice, to returning home, to hiding the surprise till the moment we hand over your gift, I wait eagerly for something – your sparkling facial expressions, the shine in your hazel eyes and your beautiful wide smile that exposes your missing tooth.

Your anticipation and excitement for the big surprise was the only reason I started celebrating Mothers Day. My last Mothers day shopping was fun too where I bought designer dresses after shelling out all the bucks I had. You know what, I bought them a month before the special day but see you didn’t get to know about it. I am a great planner, after all. Your poor habit of choosing the best for us and going economical for yourself compelled us to take this decision. Oh that April went at the pace of turtle - slowly and slowly, just like the load shedding hours during the summers. I knew you would burst with anger if you got to know the price so I hid it deep inside my wallet. I wanted to show it later to hear your patent dialogue ‘itnaaaa mehangaaa’ and laugh off. But you didn’t give me a chance to do that. You left us in this ruthless world just few days after the Mothers Day, with all the material things and those presents lying in the wardrobe unstitched and unworn. I wanted to see you flaunting them like models on the ramp. You were a model Maa, my model… my role model…

From the day you left I never thought about Mothers Day, neither what I would do on this day now. The Day I used to wait and plan for throughout the year is once again approaching, but it is haunting me this time and I am clueless about what to do. I am hating these sweet jingles, touching advertisements and the mother’s day sale that have always enticed me. I want to run away from all the glitz and glamour till these festivities come to end and everything return to normal, but I don’t know where to hide.

Though I feel your presence at every step of life, I miss your gentle touch, your warm hugs and the kisses we used to give you vigorously- you were so brilliant in hiding your emotions and affection, yes I have inherited this from you. I miss the protection and security I felt when you were there; I miss the facial massages I used to give you at nights and that lovely expressions when you were pampered; I miss the delicious treats that were just a request away; I miss your company, your patience on my prolonged shopping tours – no one else can bear an irritating shopping partner like me. I miss your advice, your twinkling smile, our fights, our discussions and my pocket money even after earning so much. I miss everything Mamma, every single thing!

For all the hardships you have faced for us, for raising us like a mother and father, for giving us unconditional love and a life full of luxuries, I cannot label you as the best mom. You are the best parent the world has ever seen and the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. May you rest in the state of everlasting bliss and may you have all the pleasure of Jannah in the hereafter. Accept my prayers as your present for now, but I promise to celebrate your Big Day with great fervour again when we will meet in heaven.

Happy Mother’s Day Mimmo!